


Amateur Night

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 07:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13185408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: Bond overhears something disturbing in Q's office. Gen.





	Amateur Night

Bond walked through the dimly lit corridors of Q Branch, nodding at the occasional tech who was holding down the fort on the night shift. Ostensibly he’d come to return his equipment, but really that was an excuse for a post-mission drink with Q, who could be relied upon to have Q Branch Distillery’s latest in his drawer and the correct snark to listening ratio in his conversation. Q also let Bond sleep on his sofa sometimes, which was somehow much more comfortable than the king-sized mattress in his empty flat, particularly on his first night back from a mission. **  
**

Q’s office door was open a crack, and Bond was about to swing it open and make a comment about Q burning the midnight oil when he heard–-  

“Come on, I’ll do you if you do me,” Q said, illicitly entreating some mystery person in his office.

Bond grinned. Well, well…office sex. Who would have thought Q had the nerve?

“I could really use it,” another voice admitted, and Bond froze. Was that Tanner? Tanner was married. Happily married! Had Q somehow corrupted him?

“Right. Shirts on or off?” Q asked.   

“I suppose we’d better keep them on. Still in the workplace, after all,” Tanner said.

They were going to get their dicks out and they thought keeping their shirts on would be more professional! If they were going to have late-night office sex, they should at least commit.

“So, you first, or…?” Tanner asked. There were some shuffling sounds, as of people and possibly furniture being rearranged.

Bond had to stop this. From the sounds of things, Q and Tanner were about to have absolutely terrible sex in Q’s office. If it were good sex, it might be worth it, but this…!

“Evening,” Bond said, sauntering into Q’s office as though he hadn’t been privy to Q and Tanner’s horrible example of verbal foreplay.

He found Q and Tanner a bit less en flagrante than he’d expected: Q was frozen guilty-faced on a stool at his workbench while Tanner was perched on the workbench itself behind him, his hands still clenched around Q’s shoulders, which he’d apparently been in the act of rubbing.

“Erm…” Tanner and Q both said, looking hilariously caught-out.

“By all means,” Bond said, grinning, “explain yourselves.”

Q finally rallied enough to glare. “Piss off,” he said. “Imelda’s on leave.”

Ah, that did explain it. Imelda was the senior staff’s preferred massage therapist; given ninety minutes, she could turn even a wiry tangle of knots like Q into a bespectacled puddle.

Tanner and Q were certainly no substitute for her. Bond raised his eyebrows and glanced between the two of them. “Any port in a storm?” he asked skeptically.

“Here, we’re not too bad,” Tanner said, straightening up behind Q. “Better than nothing, anyway.”   

If it weren’t Tanner and Q, he would just leave them to their amateur fumbling. But since it was, and he preferred the both of them to stay in good working order… Bond sighed. “Of the three of us,” he said, “I’m the only one who’s been trained in massage therapy. Therefore, you both will do exactly as I say if you want this ill-advised effort to succeed. Am I clear?”

“Sir, yes, sir, Commander,” Tanner said, and gave him a sarcastic salute.    

Q shrugged. “This situation can’t possibly get any more embarrassing.”

“Shirts off, then,” Bond said briskly. “And mind that after we do you, you’ll both be doing me, so pay attention. I’m not servicing you for free.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
